Hey Josh. Socrates loves you my friend. Great topic. I would ask you: What if your client is not listening with the same intensity you are assuming. What can you do to that can help to change the situation?
Thanks Bruce. Good question! First, my experience is that when I listen more intently, my client can sense it (they can also sense if my attention drifts); and if they know I am paying focused attention, they are also more attentive and focused. But if I sense they are not engaged, I try to be honest with them and will observe and ask something like this “my sense is that your mind is elsewhere; what is distracting you?”
I might observe “we are moving away from our original focus of the session; what direction will serve you best right now?” It’s possible that changing topics or direction is very useful for them and maybe the original focus has lost its value to them. I try to ask rather than tell.
Two sessions ago you asked me, "What could you be doing differently?". I wrote it down and it stayed with me for a week. I thought it was a very thought-provoking question and spurred action.
A diner table question that I like is, "what would be celebrating for you a year from now if we were all back together at a dinner"
Great post Josh. I would add onto your concept of deep listening. The coaches I work with have taught me to listen for what’s not being said. It’s much harder than it sounds… but if you pair it with curiosity (vs. judgment), you can ask a question that can lead to insight.
Two of my favorite coaching questions (all stolen from my coaching friends):
Awesome post, Josh. Even though the most powerful question I ever received came from a well-known celebrity partner/spouse, I reframed it the minute he asked me to be my life's guiding question and eventually my stated life's theme. The question was reframed as: "What is about this job/work/context that makes it THE BEST job you've ever had?" I am still answering the "half-life" of that question twenty years later, even though I have changed roles and positions six times since it was first posed.
Again, thank you for unearthing how powerful questions can be.
Hey Josh. Socrates loves you my friend. Great topic. I would ask you: What if your client is not listening with the same intensity you are assuming. What can you do to that can help to change the situation?
Thanks Bruce. Good question! First, my experience is that when I listen more intently, my client can sense it (they can also sense if my attention drifts); and if they know I am paying focused attention, they are also more attentive and focused. But if I sense they are not engaged, I try to be honest with them and will observe and ask something like this “my sense is that your mind is elsewhere; what is distracting you?”
And what methods do you use to bring them back to the topic at hand?
I might observe “we are moving away from our original focus of the session; what direction will serve you best right now?” It’s possible that changing topics or direction is very useful for them and maybe the original focus has lost its value to them. I try to ask rather than tell.
Two sessions ago you asked me, "What could you be doing differently?". I wrote it down and it stayed with me for a week. I thought it was a very thought-provoking question and spurred action.
A diner table question that I like is, "what would be celebrating for you a year from now if we were all back together at a dinner"
Great post Josh. I would add onto your concept of deep listening. The coaches I work with have taught me to listen for what’s not being said. It’s much harder than it sounds… but if you pair it with curiosity (vs. judgment), you can ask a question that can lead to insight.
Two of my favorite coaching questions (all stolen from my coaching friends):
* What would you like to be different?
* What question do you wish I would ask you?
Awesome post, Josh. Even though the most powerful question I ever received came from a well-known celebrity partner/spouse, I reframed it the minute he asked me to be my life's guiding question and eventually my stated life's theme. The question was reframed as: "What is about this job/work/context that makes it THE BEST job you've ever had?" I am still answering the "half-life" of that question twenty years later, even though I have changed roles and positions six times since it was first posed.
Again, thank you for unearthing how powerful questions can be.
That’s a great question and it obviously left an impression on you!