Choosing an Effective Coach
Finding the right match can increase the return of your investment of time, emotional energy, and money
Every coaching relationship begins with a choice: do I want to work with this person to help achieve my goals? It might not present itself as a choice - many coaching relationships develop organically in the workforce or through personal relationships - but it’s still a choice. My observation from many years of coaching is that the more intentional you are in who you work with, the more productive the coaching turns out to be. In my last year and a half of more formal coaching, I have noticed that potential clients often opt to choose someone they know or have met and with whom they feel some level of comfort or chemistry. While that is a good foundation, I believe it isn’t sufficient for a fully productive, results-oriented coaching relationship. If you are investing in yourself and your development, it makes sense to invest time and effort into finding the best possible match.
Whenever I have discussions with potential clients, I suggest a few things to help them make a choice that will serve them most effectively. I’ve boiled my list down to the following “essentials”.
Know What You Want to Achieve
It may sound basic, but many people have ill-defined goals when they begin looking for a coach. Or the goal(s) they have established for themselves are not fully addressing their root needs. The good news? By the time they are talking to me about coaching, they have already summoned the courage it takes to be coached and identified the potential value of working with a professional coach.
Since much of the value of coaching derives from enhancing self-knowledge, take this opportunity to look within and define, in as clear and plain language as possible, what you hope to gain from being coached. You might seek out a coach during times of transition or stress - a new promotion, a recent change in employers, a growing disenchantment with the status quo, a particularly difficult work or personal relationship - but you should check whether the presenting stimulus is truly the core issue. While a great coach can help you sharpen your focus on what needs to be addressed, the better you can identify these yourself at the beginning of the coaching process, the more likely you will choose a coach who is skilled at helping you through those needs.
Talk to Multiple Potential Coaches
I suggest potential clients talk to at least one other possible coach to make sure they are being very intentional in their choices. When done effectively, coaching is a very intimate, trust-based relationship that is more than the right experience and right credentials. A personal, meaningful discussion, filled with good, direct questions (see below) is the best way to effectively assess whether the fit between client and coach will be a good one. To do that well, it’s helpful to have a contemporaneous comparison point. Coaches that don’t encourage you to do so probably aren’t the coach for you.
Ask a Bunch of Questions
When I coach corporate-sponsored executives, the first question (usually from the Talent Development team) is about my credentials. It’s a fair question to ask, and often it is driven as much by a corporation’s desire to limit liability as it is to discover my coaching capabilities. Many highly skilled coaches are not certified, but training for and receiving certification from a recognized organization like the International Coaching Federation (ICF) or the Co-Active Training Institute (CTI) signals a level of commitment and professionalism that can be useful. In my experience, after coaching people for 30+ years in corporate consulting, the certification process was an amazing pathway to learning new skills and frameworks that fundamentally changed the way I think about collaborating with a client. I benefit greatly from my years of corporate experience, but the new perspectives from the formal coaching training have boosted my coaching effectiveness, creativity, and range.
Beyond the credentials question, here are other purposeful questions for potential coaches.
How do you handle confidentiality? Any certified coach should have a crisp, specific answer. Coaching only works when there is mutual trust, and an assurance of confidentiality creates a trusting, open environment where you feel free to open up.
What is your coaching experience, and how would you describe your success rate? Every coach has a self-identified “sweet spot”; how do they describe theirs, and how does it fit with your needs? It is also instructive to hear how they define successful outcomes.
What does a successful coaching relationship look like? A coach should provide a compelling description of what they believe makes a coach/client relationship work well. Their answer will help inform your decision about the likelihood of a great coaching experience.
What kinds of clients do you feel you are most effective working with? Here, I would not look for a list of people who look and sound exactly like you. A coach’s skill at guiding you usually doesn’t always sit upon a specific experience base (for example, someone who only coaches doctors in clinical practice); rather, their coaching process, empathy, listening skills, intuition, interpersonal demeanor, values, honesty and range of tools have more impact on the success of their coaching than functional or industry experience. While that kind of specific experience can serve as a sort of shorthand when you are describing work dynamics, just as often it can encourage coaching that relies too heavily on the experiences and value of others and doesn’t focus enough on your specifics. And it makes it easier for the coach to lapse into counseling and advice-giving, which is NOT coaching.
What is your typical/recommended coaching process, and how do you structure your fees? This is often at the top of potential clients’ question lists. I place it here in the middle because I don’t believe it is the MOST important question. Of course, you want to hear how the coach likes to work and what they think is the most effective way to engage. And the level of investment in your development, and how it relates to your budget, are important considerations (especially considering that coaching rates aren’t very transparent and can range widely). But these things can sound right and it still might not foster a productive, collaborative experience without the other pieces being in place.
Tell me what a typical coaching session looks and feels like. I get very specific with clients who ask me this question; and if they don’t ask, I offer it up anyway, as I think it is important to set expectations of what actually happens when we meet.
What kinds of issues can be brought to the discussion? Great coaches let you bring your full, sometimes messy self to the table. Are they open to a wide range of topics, emotions, and perspectives? Do you sense that you would be comfortable letting your hair down a little with this person?
How do you tackle resistance and accountability? Coaching isn’t coaching without accountability (see my prior post on this topic). If the coaching is productive, you will likely feel the tension of wanting to change something but also resisting that change through prior habit or due to one or more internal saboteurs. The coach should be able to describe how they approach these circumstances and how they help clients with accountability around commitments to change and action.
What is important for you to know about me? A coach’s questions can be a window into their priorities, style, and values. They should have a clear list of questions that can help you see if there is a fit.
What should I know about you? This can be a catch-all for things that haven’t come up otherwise, and can be revealing. Great coaches manage to project confidence and humility at the same time.
What processes do you have for working with other stakeholders? No client exists in a vacuum. The challenges and opportunities you have at work or in your personal life are influenced by your context. Knowing how a potential coach incorporates that context into the coaching is important. Do they have the ability to do 360-degree assessment of you in your workplace? Do they have other means of accepting input, or plugging into the management hierarchy? If they do, how do they maintain confidentiality?
Work Through a Sample Session
Most coaches will offer sample sessions (sometimes abbreviated; I offer a 30-minute session for incoming potential clients). Sometimes it is better to dive into coaching rather than talking about coaching. The experience can reveal your level of comfort and trust with the coach, and also give you a sense of their style.
If you are considering coaching this year, I hope this framework will help you be fully intentional in how you find the support you are looking for.