Being Centered

What It Is and Why It Can Be a Great Way to Start a Coaching Session

Crew shells are notoriously tippy to the novice rower.  They are very long and narrow with a tiny fin and rudder that do little to stabilize the boat laterally.  Small shifts in body position, oar height, or stroke length can make a stable boat unstable and make it frustrating to row. One of the first things I learned when I starting rowing is the importance of the boat being “set”.  It’s a term used to describe the balance between port and starboard, so that oarsmen on both sides of the boat can move their oars over the water cleanly and trust the stability of the boat throughout the stroke. 

Once a boat is “set up” (achieved by all oarsmen rowing in sync, with full proprioception, in a focused yet relaxed manner), the real work can begin.  The mindfulness needed to make the boat stable also enables the crew to really lean into the rowing; that can’t happen effectively if everyone doesn’t physically and mentally feel centered in the boat. In a boat that is wobbling side to side, or consistently down to one side, the crew is distracted by trying to make small adjustments to get the boat level; the transfer of power from oarsman to oar to water becomes inefficient, and everyone’s inner voices (and sometimes their actual voices!) are shouting to fix the problem.  It’s a slow and frustrating way to go down a racecourse.

When I talk with clients about centeredness, this image of a well-trained crew moving cleanly over a smooth expanse of water is what comes to mind.  But what is centeredness and why is it important in coaching?  I define centeredness as the ability, through practice, to apply a set of physical and mental skills to create a greater sense of mindfulness.  Mindfulness, in turn, is the ability to pay non-judgmental attention to one’s thoughts, feelings and surroundings, and then using that awareness to orient one’s thinking, decisions and actions in a creative, non-habitual, and positive manner.   Just as a crew is trained to “find the set-up” in a rowing shell, there is a methodology to finding one’s center in a personal or professional context, which I will get to in a moment. Before that, let’s talk about why it matters.

Centeredness improves one’s ability to stay level-headed and cope with stress.  It allows one to suspend judgement (of oneself, and of others), to extend more empathy, to listen more deeply, and to be more open to possibilities.  It’s not uncommon for clients to show up to sessions agitated, irritated, and ready to vent.  I try to create a personal environment where my clients can view our sessions as a safe space to express frustrations without judgement or repercussion; but I often intrude very early and ask if they are willing to go through a 1-minute centering exercise.  It is important that I ask; that’s why my centeredness exercise isn’t a rule but an occasional suggestion.  If it doesn’t feel right to the client in that moment, we move on. 

Getting centered in this context is the conceptual equivalent of “getting the boat set” before starting to row; I believe it enables a client to better process his or her emotional and physical responses and to approach the chosen topic of the day from a different perspective and with more equanimity.  I find that clients who try my simple centering exercise are more open, empathetic and forward-looking. 

Here's how it works.  There are three basic steps to centering: settle, sense and shift.

Settle

First, stand and consciously find your balance (you can see why it evokes rowing for me!)  Then, ground yourself from the top of your head to your feet, planting them firmly on the ground.  Last, take a deep breath and let it out slowly.  This signals to your primitive brain (sometimes called the reptilian or lizard brain) that you are safe, reducing the “flight, fight or freeze” instinct. It often slows your heartrate down and lowers perspiration.

Sense

Once settled, turn your focus inward to explicitly notice the physical sensations in your body – head, chest and gut.  This is valuable information being provided to your limbic brain about how your body is reacting to emotional stimuli which is often treated as background noise or ignored.  When centering, we don’t ignore – we name it.  It could be a tight chest, a hollow feeling in your stomach, a slight headache. By naming it, we are switching off autonomous-driving mode and taking back the wheel from our limbic brain.

Shift

Shifting is exactly what it sounds like: while standing, move back a step or two, then move forward to your original spot. It’s a physical embodiment of a mental process to shift to a posture of neutral observation. This prompts you to create some distance from the emotions and sensations you noticed in Step 2 and invites your neocortex (executive brain) to be more in control of your thinking and feeling.

It's a 1-minute exercise that can allow you to be more intentional in how you approach the coaching topic that is resonant in the session.  When clients accept my offer to do a centeredness exercise, I do it with them and always feel more intentional about the coaching.  It’s harder to really lean into the vigorous work of being coached, and coaching, if the “boat” isn’t set up.

I invite you to try this simple exercise the next time you need to calm yourself or prepare for something that is provoking an emotional response from you. Let me know how it works for you!

Note: my thanks to Bain & Company for providing my first exposure to Centeredness as an exercise, as part of a prototype course in Inspirational Leadership about 10 years ago.